I wanted to take sometime to share some things that I have been dealing with for a long time, and it's anxiety. And not just that it comes with panic attack, over thinking everything! It's something I have been dealing with for years and have found ways to not have them take over. But in the last few months it's been much more, and harder for me to deal with. It can be something that has nothing to do with me that will set me off. Here a few things.....
Facebook - I like that I can keep up with friends and family all over the world but at the same time it's hard for me. When I write to a friend and with facebook telling you that they seen it and when. But they have not wrote back. I start to think of what I could have done wrong. Should I not have ask how they were doing? I have work myself into being sick. Sometimes it's their kids that see it and not them, sometimes it maybe that they just happened to have it pulled up when I wrote but never did see it. And I can tell myself that, but it does not always help and lately it's been harder. A facebook post can do the same thing, when a friend post something about being upset with a friend. I can be mostly sure that it has nothing to do with me. And the same thing will happen. And if it's the same person that does both things, I can work myself up into a mess where at times my life has to stop because I just can not move on. All in fear of making friend more upset than they already are at "me". Even if it's not me at all. But I do not want to do anything that would add to it. And I feel like I need to fix it.... even if it's not anything to do with me.
Another things that is a big trigger for me is when I feel unappreciative. But I do not get mad, I go into thinking what did I not do, what could I have done better! And even if I know they are appreciative and thankful for all the work I do. But I sometimes over think it. It leads me to asking more questions. Or maybe taking on more things. I know it's a little backwards but I'm very much a people pleaser. I want to make everyone happy, and will do so even if it makes me unhappy.
As much as it used to happen I would work it out and keep on going. But this year has been long and hard on us. At some point in it I think I stop dealing with what was going on, so now I'm dealing with anxiety, panic attack, and much more now and it's harder for me to deal with. I'm not sure why it's so much harder to deal with outside of the fact I just stop dealing with things. There is much more that I should deal with that may help.
But I say this to you, because I'm not the only one that deals with this. Maybe the only one that handles it the way that I do. Here is the thing We have a great God who loves us! If we remember to give it all to him. Thanksgiving was yesterday and I was having a hard day, and was able to sit and have sometime with God before the rest of the family got up and around. As much as it was a hard year God has always been with me. He showed me how great he is! He gave me people that I can turn to and ask for prayer. People that help me and build me up. Help me grow in The Lord, they walk with me and help me. Even in times of anxiety and panic attack God is great all the time and all the time God is great! And even in those times I can give Thanks to God for all he done, and know that he will use this for his good!
