Letting her down, hurts me so!!

Went to bed like most night and was a sleep in no time!!  Come about 1:30 something woke me up and had a hard time getting back to sleep.  About 3 I was all most back to sleep when Jessalla woke up crying that her ear was hurting her.  :( I knew right then what she had.  And there was nothing I could do for her at that time.  She would have to wait till I could call in the morning.  About 4:30 she moved out to the living room to watch a movie.  And I went back to sleep.... knowing that in 2 hours I would have to get up.

6:30 am and Eammah and I were getting up so we could be at her appt by 7 to have her tooth looked at.  Jessalla was still awake and watching youtube!!  lol funny girl!  But still was in a lot of pain.  Eammah and I leave to go to her appt.  Make it there with her ducky in hand... we walk in to the office.  And we check in, and they ask if I would like to take the appt right after hers that way I would not have to come back at 11.  Well yes, yes I would.  They take us back right away, and Eammah gets in the chair, with a death grip on ducky.  Dr Z takes a look at the tooth and ask if she would like him to pull it out.....  Well, she loses it and hides behind her ducky and says no.  She gets out of the chair and it's my turn.  He does what he needs and we try one more time with Eammah I get her back in the chair, tell her I will get her a milkshake.  She is not happy at all crying and telling us she is afraid.  Dr. Z has out the jelly to let her see it.  Puts some on her lip and still nothing is working.  I'm talking to her about camp and how she was afraid about that and how it came out okay.  Telling her how big she is.  Still nothing is working.   And now she can not fill part of her lip.  He tells her that it will come out and he will let it be.  And tells me to have her eat an apple.  I can feel myself getting mad.  Eammah and I get our things around and walk out to the truck and by the time we got out there she could tell I was mad!!  We got to talking...  And I was getting all the same answers that I get every time.  I do not know, I am not sure, because....  All the ones that make me nuts.  And now she crying more because I told she was going to eat an apple when we got home.  I'm sitting in the truck telling her it will be okay, we just need her tooth out.  It's been like this for a month now!!  Then it hit me I was not mad, I felt like I let her down, nothing I was doing was making things any better!!

It's now almost 8 am and we have made it home.  Jessalla is back to sleep!  I'm glad about that.  Eammah and I head back to the bedroom and she reads to me.  I was able to call and get Jessalla in this afternoon.  And then the next thing I remember we both were waking back up from a nap!  :)  Jessalla was awake again and we needed to get up and around for her appt.  Jessalla came to have an ear infection x2 just like I was thinking at 3 am this morning!

There was nothing I could do or say to make anything better for either of them today.  Both for different reason.  But as much as I wanted I could not.  It was the first time in a long time that I could not make things all better!!  And I felt like I let her down this morning.

2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Psalm 32:8 The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.

It may not have been the best night of sleep, or what I hope would take place at Eammah's appt this morning.  But knowing that my girls know that having The Lord in their life is to have it all makes it a great day.  And this morning I got that remember with Eammah when that was nothing I could say or do to make things better.  She always needed a more loving and calm way about going about things.  And I believe whole wholeheartedly that God has use her to help me to more loving, and softer spoken.  It may not always be that way.... but I always try.